Soap is not a condiment
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
