I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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