Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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