We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
