dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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