There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
