I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
