Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
