You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
