i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
