seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
