how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize