I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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