u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
