well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
