Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
