im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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