Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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