dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Who died my cat blue again?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
