apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
