What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Quick, to the slutcave!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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