shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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