I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
