im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
A bitchslap is in order.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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