He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
