Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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