okay pat passed out under dana's car
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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