He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
