god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
