ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
