She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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