dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
