I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
