that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
