its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
