why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
