he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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