it wasn't lemon gatorade
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
