We're facebook friends in real life
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
