I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This toilet bowl is my home.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
