Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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