Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
