My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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