My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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