The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
