I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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