walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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