i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We have so much sex to catch up on
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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