Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
