How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
