my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am spending my child support on dildos
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
