Got a toothbrush?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
