Jerry, you need to find god
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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