another moral hangover. fuck.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I am one with the molecules
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
