Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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