Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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