So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
