New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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