im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
