you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize