You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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