I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
