i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
