If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
