somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
