A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
