i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
