Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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