I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
