Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Umm I'm too high to move.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
