That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I will be naked everywhere
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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