if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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