I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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