end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
