My room smells like vodka and shame
i already hear my dad disowning me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
