Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
