i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
