Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
