My friends, they love my intelligence
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
