It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
