i think i have herpe
just one?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
