...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
